Saturday, March 17, 2012

Silent Lucidity

Tonight was a special night. I had a tough day at work. I had Praise Band practice at church and emotionally, that was tough too. I cried pretty much the whole way home from church. Once the little dude was sound asleep, I felt the loneliness overtake me. I decided to call someone who I knew could identify.

I felt relief the minute that Joe's brother answered. My intention was just to talk for him a bit, but once he realized I was upset, he offered to come over and then offered again. I was feeling alone and dreading the long night ahead so I welcomed the company. While he was here we got to talking and the subject turned to Joe's guitar-playing. He told me about a song that Joe taught him to play on the guitar - Silent Lucidity by Queensryche.

At first I was resistant to listening to it. My task for the night was going through sympathy cards to find a missing check and the last thing I needed was more emotion. But I kept coming back to it and a little while later, I just had to text him for the song title again (because in typical mourning fashion I could not remember ANYTHING, let alone THAT!) I'm so glad I did.

I plugged "Silent Lucidity" by "Queensryche" into YouTube and came up with the most perfect video. It was the lyrics and music all in one YouTube, perfectly representing to me the essence of this song that my Joe had taught to his younger brother. I immediately recognized the melody as one that I had heard Joe playing. I think you will agree that the lyrics are fitting and as deeply intense as my Joe. I find comfort in them and am glad that my brother felt comfortable enough to share this Joe story with me.

I have a pile of tissues and an empty glass of wine to go with this song (which I downloaded to my iTunes and put on repeat tonight), but it was just what I needed right here and right now.

The image my brother-in-law and I like best from this song? "I am smiling next to you..."

Somehow, we know he is...

Silent Lucidity by Queensryche

Hush now don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye

You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head

Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game
Of life

So here it is, another chance
Wide awake, you face the day
Your dream is over...

Or has it just begun?

There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night

Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize
And you were scared

It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind

Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you'll hear and see
This magic new dimension

Will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
Will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you
In silent lucidity...


Visualize your dream (Yes)
Record it in the present tense (Don't be scared)
Put it into a permanent form
If you persist in your efforts
You can achieve a dream control
(How're you doing today?) (Better?)

Dream come true
Dream come true
Dream come true

Help me...

If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see

The walls you built within
Come tumbling down
And a new world will begin

Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly

A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize?
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...

Will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
Will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you...

1 comment:

  1. Anne,
    Thank you for sharing the story of Joe teaching his kid brother a song on his guitar. Even though I didn't know about this, it has created a precious "memory" and visualization for me. I can picture the two of them sitting on the edge of one of the beds in the room that they shared.
    The song is powerful and reveals yet another little piece of this mysterious man we all loved.
    Sometimes I feel that each of us hides underneath our lonely blanket of grief. Not wanting one another to know our pain for fear of causing the other more pain.
    It is comforting to me to know that you, my daughter, and he, my son, found a way to share in the joy that was Joe. More importantly, instead of each of you hiding under you own blanket of grief, you and he wrapped a warm cozy memory blanket around each other.
    Love you.