It's been out for two weeks so it was really about time that I saw it. There was just something about going to see THIS movie though that I knew was going to be extra hard. It was, after all, Superman. And for reasons that I could probably never do justice in a blog post, Superman is special. Joe was my Superman.
|The tattoo I got a few months after Joe died.|
So I revert for a moment to an old blog post to tell my story about the meaning of Superman. The very first post I wrote...
Written October 13, 2011 2:12pm
Many times over the past year and a half I have told Joe that he is my Superman and I think there is no time that has been more true than these past few weeks. After powering through intense radiation on his spine, he had surgery this past Tuesday to deal with the accumulating fluid in his lung. In the end, more than 2 liters of fluid was drained both through the surgery and using the catheter that was placed. (Imagine, a 2 liter bottle of soda - that's a LOT!) It's no wonder that he is now breathing easier!
In the midst of it all, we celebrated a very HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY with our little man and enjoyed all the love and support from family and friends. Domani enjoyed his birthday cupcake on Tuesday although he seemed more interested in eating his party hat (he'll learn)! The time has just gone by so quickly and we are looking forward to celebrating with the whole family this Saturday.
Joe started back with his chemo treatments today after a long hiatus for his radiation. Here's to hoping that this helps him find relief for some of his symptoms and that he is able to fully enjoy the party on Saturday.
Back to the present day and the fact that the man who normally would take me to see the new Superman movie is no longer here with me. Earlier this week, I was in Orlando for work and I met up with Joe's cousin Tony after he got out of work late one night. We found ourselves at Universal CityPlace standing in front of the movie theater and wouldn't you know it...neither of us had seen Man of Steel. And there was an IMAX showing in 40 minutes. OF COURSE that was what we were going to do.
I'm so happy that I saw Man of Steel with him because I needed that connection with Joe when I saw it. When Joe and I went to see Superman Returns in 2006, he was healthy. We had been dating for awhile but we weren't engaged yet. Our world was very different.
I warned Tony ahead of time that I would almost definitely cry at the movie. And cry I did.
Not just at the obvious connections to Joe and the fact that this was "Superman" without him. But also at the poignant scene in the beginning where Jor-El and Lara say goodbye to their infant son and shed tears over all of the things they will not get to see him do. I know a little something about shedding tears over things a father won't get to see a son do. I feel like I do it almost every day. And then there were the flashbacks towards the end when Clark's mom is talking about him becoming the man his dad always knew he would be and you see the young Clark running around with a cape on his back. Just like my little guy does. Oh how sweet. And bitter.
It was hard and wonderful at the same time. In this movie there is a scene with Lois and Superman where he explains that the "S" on his chest means "hope" on his planet. That line has sat with me ever since. I definitely didn't realize when I was getting my Joe memorial tattoo that I was also permanently marking myself with hope. I like that more than words can say.