Train Like a Mother - Rocking My 1st Half Marathon

This time last year I was just starting to get my butt off the proverbial couch. It was a little over 3 months since my husband Joe had died from colon cancer and I decided that I needed an outlet for my sadness, anger, and frustration. Yoga had been my constant companion throughout my pregnancy (which coincided with Joe's diagnosis) and his illness, but running became my godsend during grief. After running seven 5k races in 2012, I decided to take on a bigger challenge for my birthday in 2013. So, on Saturday, March 9, 2013 through a stream of tears I crossed the finish line of my first half marathon with Lady GaGa's Edge of Glory pounding in my ears and the perfect sun of South Beach beaming down on my sweaty Mother Runner bod. It was an accomplishment that I suspect will make me well up for many years to come. 

Used this photo to text some family and friends that I was done!

Cheering my finish in Miami Beach were my inspiring little guy Domani, my good friend Karen, Joe's cousin Tony, and Tony's friend Layla. What an amazing feeling to exit from the runners' area loaded down with post-race nourishment, medal clanging around my neck and pick up my little guy in a sweeping hug, only to have him stare right at my medal with a glimmer in his eye. Yep, HE ended up wearing it more than I did that day - and I'm ok with that.

The little guy sporting my medal.

Watching from many states away via the live tracking feature were my mom, Joe's mom and sister, and my friends Erin and Christon. They knew I had achieved my goal the minute I crossed the finish line and I was flooded with sweet tweets and text messages. 

Awaiting the news on social media were countless friends and family members who had supported me through my 15 weeks of training including my cousins Suzanne and Bob who had run my very first 5k with me just last April. There were Mother Runners and Run Chatters, friends from work and friends from college, fellow Afghan Whigs fans and lifelong friends. There were union people and yoga people, support group people and church people. There were high school friends and brand new friends, country line dancing friends and every type of family member you can imagine. From every corner of my life, I felt so much love.

As I crossed the finish line, it was Lady Gaga's Edge of Glory (as recommended by Christon) that pushed me through, but along the way there were many other songs on my playlist that made this race incredibly special. About a week before the race I decided that I was going to ditch my usual "workout tunes" playlist and create a new one just for this half marathon. I posted my request for song suggestions on FB and Twitter and I made personal requests to some family and friends to give me their songs. I ended up with more songs than I needed for my 2:11:39 journey, but I have many special memories of particular moments before, during and after the race listening to the music that had been chosen for me.

I was driving south from my hotel towards the start line listening to Hearts on Fire (as recommended by Mauro). I remember the odd mix of clubbers calling it a night and runners making their way to the start line - all making for a very crowded pre-dawn South Beach. I also remember the sinking feeling I got when I arrived at the garage where I had planned to park only to see a "FULL" sign at the entrance. As I noticed the time (5:35am) I started to feel a slight panic rise because I was really not prepared with a Plan B (so VERY unlike me!) Thankfully, just a block away I found another parking garage and I made it to the start line with plenty of time to spare. 

Looking towards the start line full of anticipation.

Pre-race photo!

At the suggestion of a very wise runner friend I created my playlist with some slower songs up front to keep my pace steady in the beginning. It was a smart move and my easy tunes helped me keep a comfortable pace through the first few miles. I remember running past the Convention Center and then on a quiet street where we were treated to the spectacle of "Doctor Dribble", the guy who was running the race while dribbling not one, but two basketballs (This guy is really pretty incredible, not only because he finished faster than me while dribbling two basketballs, but also because he raised money to help foster kids while he did it...more on him including photos here.) 

After my Doctor Dribble encounter, I discovered the joy of running with a pace group. I latched on to a 2:10 pace group for the next two miles and found that to be incredibly helpful. Once I came in to mile 4, the faster tunes started to pick up and once A Cut Above came on (a Mother Runner recommendation), I decided it was time to let loose. Then, I saw it rising in front of me. That dreaded elevation. Somewhere around mile 5, I was facing down the full wrath of the Julia Tuttle Causeway bridge and what comes through my earphones but Eye of the Tiger (recommended by John). I couldn't have planned it better if I were writing my own screenplay. I took it on like a champ and was rewarded with some Beastie Boys (as recommended by @helenabrit72), the halfway point, and a nice jaunt through downtown Miami.

Seven miles were down and I was starting to feel it in the blisters on my toes and some unwelcome chafing. The sun was getting intense. I went to put on my sunglasses only to realize they were covered in sweat. Immediately ahead was the mile 8 sign and another bridge. In my mind I had convinced myself that it would be perfectly fine to just walk up the hill (plenty of people were doing it). Then....I Don't Wanna Stop by Ozzy Osbourne (recommended by Justin...touche Justin). Followed by Kickstart My Heart (recommended by Melissa). Followed by Lonely Boy by The Black Keys (recommended by Susie). All of which combined for my fastest split on the course. 

Fast forward to mile 11 and the transition from the Macarthur Causeway bridge to the South Point Park bay walk. The Biscayne Bay stretched out beautifully on my right and Sunshine of Our Love (recommended by Joe's Mom) played in my ears. It's a song that she carefully chose for its guitar and its lyrics, without even knowing that Joe and I had played it endlessly together on Guitar Hero. There was more than just sweat in my eyes as it all sank in - mile 11, missing Joe, the beauty of that moment, the many blessings of my life, the sunshine of OUR love which in some way will always be there no matter what lies ahead. 

The final combo of Stronger (recommended by Kathleen), Titanium (recommended by Tarah), Paranoid (recommended by Scott) and, of course, Edge of Glory (recommended by Christon) provided just the burst of power that I needed for that last mile and a half and I still had plenty of awesome tunes left on my playlist to jam to on the car ride back to the hotel. I had fun running this half marathon and the best part was that my disciplined training allowed me to recover quickly and really enjoy the rest of our vacation in SoFl. 

Getting to the finish of 13.1 has been a long journey with many cheerleaders and quiet heroes along the way. I couldn't possibly list them all here, but I do know that I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Sarah Bowen Shea and Dimity McDowell of www.anothermotherrunner.com for their Train Like a Mother Half Marathon Finish It plan and to all those who have watched my little guy while I have gone on my runs: my parents, Meredith, Liz, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Lorelei, Erin, Karen, Jen, Joe's Mom & Ross, Ken, and of course Karen C, Tony, and Layla who took care of him during the big 13.1! It's not easy for a single mom to train for a half marathon. During the height of my training, I was putting in 30 miles a week not including cross training sessions - that's a lot of child care time on top of the already hectic work schedule I maintain. The friends and family members who helped me are phenomenal and having a plan to follow put it all within reach. Perhaps though, I should wait a bit before I break the news to everyone that my goal for next year is a full marathon!

My Allstate Miami Beach 13.1 Playlist
(There were 16 more songs on the playlist that I didn't need because I finished!)
I Need You by Scrawl
One More Day by david m. bailey
Domani by Greg Dulli
Faded by The Afghan Whigs
Don't Stop Believin' by Journey
Seasons of Love from Rent
Feathers by The Twilight Singers
Everlasting God by Jeremy Camp
I'm a Believer by The Monkees
Dream On by Aerosmith
Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen
A Cut Above by Avery Watts
Black Betty by Ram Jam
Eye of the Tiger by Survivor
Fight for Your Right by The Beastie Boys
My World Is Empty Without You by The Afghan Whigs
Memory by Sugarcult
Got a Thing on My Mind by Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings
Holding Out For a Hero by The Glee Cast
Kick Drum Heart by The Avett Brothers
I Don't Wanna Stop by Ozzy Osbourne
Kickstart My Heart by Motley Crue
Lonely Boy by The Black Keys
Lose Yourself by Eminem
Rie y Llora by Celia Cruz
So Tight by Greg Dulli
Run Around by Blues Traveler
Raise Your Glass by Pink
Sunshine of Your Love by Santana (feat. Rob Thomas)
Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
Titanium by David Guetta & Sia
Paranoid by Black Sabbath
The Edge of Glory by Lady GaGa

I Got It!

"I miss Daddy."

It wasn't the first time he's said it and it certainly won't be the last, but it did catch me off guard - both for its timing and gentleness. It was about halfway through the little guy's first Mets Spring Training game when he touched my leg to get my attention, pulled me towards him, uttered those heartbreaking words, and then planted a sweet kiss right on my lips.

"I miss Daddy, too," I whispered back, using every fiber of my being to not break down. Images of my own time at Spring Training with Joe flashed through my mind. Such happy, happy times. What was it that made his son think of him in that moment? I don't think I'll ever know. But what I do know is what happened next.

Our seats were just 3 rows from the Mets bullpen so throughout the game we had been watching the pitchers, catchers, and their coaches throwing the ball around and for just as long the little guy was trying to get them to throw him a ball. In the way that only he can he shouted, "Hey guys, I can't reach it!" or "Guys, can I got the ball?" He was relentless. It was cute, but aside from the occasional smile or glance it didn't seem like any of them even noticed him.

Then, not long after the "I miss Daddy" incident, wouldn't you know it Dave Racaniello comes over baseball in hand and stares right up at me and Domani. I couldn't get the tray of food and drink bottles out of my hands fast enough. He tossed the ball over to us and when I handed Domani the baseball my little boy was over the moon.

"I GOT IT! I GOT IT!"

I felt the tears welling up as the sequence of events finally sunk in. I was sad in part because I felt like getting your first baseball from a major leaguer should be a moment you share with your dad and Domani lives in the very painful reality where he doesn't get to do that. But then. as the game continued on and we cheered together and he said silly things (like "The juice came out!" every single time he chewed a piece of fruit) I realized how very important it is that I am sharing these firsts with him. I also realized that somehow he WAS sharing that moment with his dad - I just may not understand it fully.

Band of Gold Redux & Superbowl Reflections

I thought it was gone forever and I was ok with that. After all, the ring was not Joe - it was just a thing. My real loss was my husband, my best friend, my son's father, and I live with that loss every day. I was sad when I lost his ring, but in the grand scheme of loss it was minor and I hadn't given it a thought in at least a month. But here I sit, typing away at this blog with Joe's wedding band back on my finger. As my cousin put it this afternoon, a Groundhog Day miracle!

If you're new to my blog or just forget the story of Joe's missing ring, it goes back to my epic Afghan Whigs in NYC weekend in October 2012. After arriving home from the Terminal 5 show, I realized that the ring was missing. I knew I had it with me at the show so I searched the car and when I couldn't find it, I resigned myself to having lost an important memento which I probably would have passed down to Domani someday. I cried a bit and felt exasperated, but when I went to the Afghan Whigs show the next night at the Music Hall of Williamsburg and they played Band of Gold it was as if the whole universe was telling me it was alright. It was the only time on their tour they would play that song, so excuse me for thinking it was meant for me and my particular situation.

Fast forward almost 4 months to today. I was replacing Domani's car seat in our personal vehicle after a trip with my cousin and her family to see Disney on Ice when I saw Joe's ring sitting on the seat of the car. My heart jumped and a tear formed in the corner of my eye as I reached down and placed the ring back on my finger. I glanced up towards the sky and let Joe know that I felt him near. I couldn't describe that moment if I had a thesaurus full of words. In fact, my mind is still racing about it. And lest you be tempted to leave a comment that I must keep it in a safe place now, I've already been warned by a friend that if I lose it again (this was the 2nd time I had lost it), she's going to kill me. She might be serious and I love her for that.

Postscript - I have a friend for whom tomorrow's Superbowl (aka day 172 for him) will be bittersweet no matter what the result. He will be cheering for the 49ers just like Domani and I were cheering for the Giants this time last year. My thoughts and prayers are with him. I thought it appropriate to also share my CaringBridge post from last year's Super Bowl now. It brings back sweet memories even though I obviously have no skin in the game this year.

Written Feb 5, 2012 10:39pm by Anne Luck-Deak

I'm still pinching myself. The night before Joe passed we were watching the Giants play the Packers. At that point we were certainly not thinking Superbowl Champion and Giants would be in the same sentence this season. I guess we'll never know how much of that game Joe was really able to soak in, but what I do know is that with every game since then (only one of which resulted in a loss) Domani and I have felt him with us. It's amazing how something as simple as cheering for a team can create a long-lasting bond. 

Joe was the one who brought me over to Giants fandom from not being much of a football fan at all. It started when he made me wear his Giants jersey after I lost a bet involving a Giants game. It was the 1996 season and I've been cheering for them ever since. Earlier today, when I saw Joe's brother Jimmy, he was wearing that same Giants jersey - which he had found somewhere among Joe's things. What a nice moment.

Tonight, I watched with knots in my stomach as the Giants came out strong in the beginning and then had 10 unanswered points scored against them leading into halftime. If I had realized what was going on, then maybe I could have spared all of us Giants fans all the undue stress of the game. You see, the Giants performance was directly related to where I was sitting. When Domani and I were in Joe's chair, it was the pits. When I was anywhere else it was as if heavenly angel(s) were running the Giants show. 

Those first 9 points? I was at the table eating dinner. That Chase Blackburn interception? I had left the room to nurse Domani. Shortly after the Giants were forced to punt when the refs refused to call a pass interference penalty on the throw to Manningham, I got a hunch as to what was going on and decided it best if Domani and I spend the rest of the game sitting on the couch. I'm glad we did. Not long after, the Patriots were forced to punt and Manningham came up with the 38-yard pickup. With one minute left in the game, Domani had finally fallen asleep and lest I risk waking him up with a shout, I took him to his crib where he immediately cuddled up and fell asleep. During that final minute I stayed as far away from that chair as I could :0)

So, to any Giants fans reading this, my apologies for hanging out in Joe's chair so much tonight. It was a comfortable place to be but obviously Joe was able to keep the Giants on track much better with his chair free. I look forward to someday sharing with Domani the story of this season as a way to teach him about his Dad. And so that he has something to remember it by I just ordered the Superbowl Trophy pack. Someday I'm sure he will be really happy to have it and in the meantime it will be a nice reminder to me of my amazing husband who converted me to a Giants fan.            

I Want to Run Like Mommy

Today as per my Train Like a Mother Half Marathon: Finish It Training Plan I completed an 11 mile run. In the 27 degree cold. Up hills and around ice patches. Through as yet unmelted snow. It was my longest run yet and for at least the first 10k it was the fastest I've ever gone. It was definitely one of those mind over body runs. And it felt fabulous.

In fact, it felt a lot like this:

Thanks to @hcunninghamrd for this inspiration!

I saw this image posted on Twitter earlier in the day and it was stuck in my mind throughout my run. Each time I hit a patch of snow or felt overwhelmed by the cold I got a burst of energy as this photo and the accompanying slogan played again in my head. Even though for me running isn't about "earning a body", the sentiment is the same - it is hard work and there is a reward. I am loving the challenge of training for a half marathon and the places I have found support along the way. As I prepare to enter my 10th week of training I couldn't be happier for the ways I have found inspiration in the doldrums of this season. Winter running just feels bad ass and there is no describing what it does to my body and my spirit.

One drawback of the winter though, has been the shortened daylight hours. When I left for the run it was late in the afternoon and my little guy was taking his nap. By the time I got back the sun had just about set and the full moon had started to take its place in the sky. He was very excited to show it to me even though what my body wanted to do was curl up in a ball under an electric blanket (do people still have electric blankets?). Instead, I checked out the moon with him while I sucked down a glorious glass of chocolate milk. 

Sometime shortly after dinner, a great running day got even better. It was then that I experienced a proud Mother Runner moment that is making me teary eyed all over again just thinking about it. Domani was talking with my Dad and and my Dad was asking him about what kind of sports he wants to play when he gets older. Dad was rattling off a list of possibilities and Domani just blurted out "I want to run like Mommy!" Seriously. Without prompting. (Well, unless you count the fact that I had just gotten back from a run about 45 minutes before.)

It was priceless. And, apparently, it set off some sort of trigger in his mind because he proceeded to run off into the living room and then showed up wearing my sneakers and trying to stuff a phone into my armband. When he noticed that I was there watching him, he looked me right in the eye and said "READY TO RUN, MOMMY!" (And, yes, he was so excited that he was basically yelling it.) When I asked him where we were going to run he told me that we were going to his cousins' house (which by the way is about 21+ miles away...) Apparently, not only am I raising a runner, but I'm training a little marathoner. Love this little guy. I guess that means I better put a marathon on my own schedule at some point in the future :-)

"READY TO RUN, MOMMY!"

Re-Living This Week Every Year

It was MLK Day 2010 and I found myself in our bathroom with an at home pregnancy test barely able to believe what I was seeing. I mean, really, we had JUST started trying. Apparently, you might as well just change my name to Fertile Myrtle. I just wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly and I knew Joe wasn't either. For about a minute I contemplated telling him in some cutesy way, but instead went right into the bedroom where he was and let him know that in about 9 months he was going to be a dad. His reaction was pretty much the same as mine. Not quite sure what to make of it all, we decided to go out for lunch. We went to a favorite spot of ours, Lisco's Country Cafe (which is now sadly closed) and didn't talk much about our big news. Had we known what the rest of the week had in store for us, I'm sure we would have appreciated the news for the miracle it was, but on that Monday, it was scary and big and we were second guessing whether we were really ready.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning. It was January 20th. I was out of the house early because we had a big meeting in Trenton and I had to be there to assist with signing in attendees. A month earlier I had left my position working at the Local and started working for the National Union. This was the first big meeting I had been a part of since joining the National Staff and I was trying to be as helpful as possible. My cell phone was in my purse which I left under a table because we were busy signing in and distributing materials to hundreds of attendees. After about an hour and a half or so I checked my phone. There were many missed calls from Joe. I listened to the first of the voicemails and it was enough to send me into a panic (this, by the way, is why I now always keep my cell phone with me). Thankfully, I was able to get him on the phone relatively quickly. He was in the ER. He needed the health insurance information since he had just been added to my plan and we didn't even have the insurance cards yet. They didn't know what was wrong with him, but anything serious enough for my husband to call an ambulance raised an immediate red flag for me.

The next 24 hours were a flurry of doctors and nurses, hospital rooms and waiting rooms, coffee and vending machine food, and very little sleep. After initially thinking in the ER that Joe was suffering from diverticulitis, by the end of Wednesday night he was recovering from emergency colon surgery and we had nothing to do but anxiously await the results of pathology tests. Some parts of that Wednesday are still as clear in my mind as if they had happened yesterday. I remember sitting in the hallway of the ER with Joe waiting for him to be admitted (unfortunately, this would not be our last time sitting in an ER hallway waiting for admission). I remember being in the hospital room with Joe just before he was wheeled off for his surgery. I remember lots of things about the waiting room while Joe was having his surgery - I ate dinner from Mexican Village there and we prayed with Eric, the Pastoral Assistant from my church who came by to be with us. I also spoke with my friend Karen who had lost her son to colon cancer just a few months before. Her son's diagnosis story was similar to what had happened with Joe and it was a blessing that she was available to talk to me while I was waiting for him to be done in surgery.

The next two days were rough. I spent one of the nights curled up in the chair in Joe's hospital room because I couldn't bear to sleep away from him. Since that resulted in me not actually sleeping, I didn't do it again, but the frustrating dance of trying to be there at just the right time to see the doctors when they came by was exhausting. Finally, at the end of the day on Friday, we got a visit from the doctor who did his surgery. She explained that Joe had colon cancer and that it had already spread to his lymph nodes and liver. The only other thing I clearly remember her saying (if you've seen the movie 50/50 it felt much like the scene where Joseph Gordon Levitt's character gets his diagnosis) was NOT to go searching online for survival rates because there are amazing things that are being done and Joe is young and strong. I searched anyway. Almost instantly I wished I had listened to her. The statistics for metastatic colon cancer are not good. So there we were -  five days into knowing we were pregnant with our first child and hours into knowing Joe had stage 4 colon cancer. I found myself thanking God that I was a Fertile Myrtle and telling Joe again and again that I needed him to recover from his surgery and be with me through the pregnancy and birth.

What was big and scary on Monday was a blessing beyond words by Friday. Funny how that can happen.

It all happened this week 3 years ago and the events of that week have completely changed my life.  I guess it's not surprising then that as Monday comes and then Wednesday and then Friday, I will notice. And in my own way I will re-live this week. And I will embrace this quote from Anne Lamott that I posted on my Facebook page that following Sunday:

"This is the most profound spiritual truth I know: that even when we're most sure that love can't conquer all, it seems to anyway. It goes down into the rat hole with us, and there it swells and comforts. It gives us second winds, third winds, hundredth winds."

I can't tell you how many times over the last 3 years I have felt like I was in the rattiest rat hole of them all. Every time and I mean every damn time there has been some thing or some person or some sign or some act of love that has swelled and comforted. It wasn't always instantaneous. It wasn't always obvious. It wasn't always what I would have chosen. But it always gave me another wind. 

So, if you are in need of that today, open yourself up to it. And if you are feeling led to do it for someone else, please don't delay.

Belief

As a part of worship this morning in church each attendee received an Epiphany star with a different word written on it. Before receiving the "2013" word, members of the congregation shared their 2012 words and the meaning those words came to hold for them throughout the last year. Sprinkled with humor and tears, and overflowing with the profound, this was one of the most powerful communal reflections I have ever witnessed. By the end, I was beyond eager to receive my 2013 word.

I was sitting in the last pew of the church and as I watched the basket being passed a word flashed in my mind. The word was "love". That brought a tear to my eye. It is one of my hopes for this year. And then, from out of nowhere a song popped in my head. Truth be told, it wasn't really from out of nowhere because it's a song that seemed to pop up all over the place during 2012 - that Don't Stop Believin' song. The one that propels me when running or lifts my spirits on a dreary day working at the airport. My moment finally came and I picked the star off the top of the basket. And then the tears just came.

Yep, my word was "belief". Seriously. Really. I almost couldn't BELIEVE it. But I had to, because, you know, my word was BELIEF, after all. If this is any indication of the year ahead of me, I better buckle up and get ready for the ride. 

Already today that little word propelled me through a cold, muddy, 9-mile trail run. What a powerful little word! (Don't stop believin' - hold on to the feelin') I can't wait to see what it has in store for the remaining 359 days of 2013.

I Haven't Been Single for This Long Since High School

As I started reflecting on 2012 I came to the realization that I have gone a whole calendar year as a single person. Widowed. Not in a relationship. Unattached. Checking that box that coincides with not married. Alone. I also realized that it has been a certain brand of shall we say EXTREME SINGLENESS as in the haven't-even-been-kissed-sort AND that I haven't gone a whole calendar year as a single person since I was in high school. Those were all pretty striking realizations for me.

If you had told me last New Years Eve that I would be spending this New Years Eve without a significant other I probably would have been pretty sad. Last New Years was tough for me. I missed kissing my Joe at midnight and falling asleep next to him. If you had told me last year that come January 1, 2013 I would *still* be single, it would have been a hard pill to swallow and would have left me even more fearful of 2012. But something amazing happened this past year and I'm glad I didn't go into it with a crystal ball.

The truth is that I didn't even notice my singleness until the end of the year. Now, don't get me wrong. There were plenty of times when I was lonely and plenty of times when I missed Joe. There was even a moment in time around August when I realized that I am open to another relationship if the right guy in the right circumstance comes along. But in looking back over this year, I have realized that my singleness in 2012 has allowed space for so many other things. And that has been amazing.

-A stronger Mother/Son bond. My relationship with the little guy has deepened during this time when it has been "just the two of us". During those traditional "family" times like Saturday mornings and Sunday evenings, it is now the two of us so we are spending more time cuddling, playing, even just vegging out in front of the TV. That time has been invaluable.

-Deeper friendships and new friends. This year I have been able to pay more attention to some of the important friendships in my life and welcome new friends into my life. Afghan Whigs fan friends. Runner friends. Mother friends. Afghan Whigs Mother Runner friends. I know that I have formed some lasting friendships which will last through life's ups and downs and I know that's what really matters.

-Running. I started in the spring as a way to get back in shape and found not only a way to improve my health but a healthy way to work through my grief. In mid-August, I started on some regular training runs and since then I have logged 159 miles. In March, I will run my first ever half marathon and in 2013 I have set a goal of running a total of 13 races. Running and the people I have met through running have been such a positive force in my life this year.

-Spiritual growth and discernment. I'm thankful for the spaces and people who have led me deeper in my faith this year. They have challenged me to keep moving forward in my grief journey while allowing me to be honest with what I am experiencing. Spiritual direction. Grief support groups. My church's praise band. Other places of worship I have visited. Even sermons and blogs I have read on Twitter and Facebook. This has been a tremendous year of self discovery and spiritual growth for me.

-Afghan Whigs Reunion Tour. No point in belaboring this one. If you follow my blog even casually, you know that this has been a centerpiece to my year. I *think* my final show count was 10 and it included travel from Toronto to NOLA to Cincinnati and many spots in between. We capped it off with an epic road trip to the New Years Eve show last night in Cincinnati which may very well be the last time the band ever plays together. These shows were like church for me this year and I'm so thankful I was able to go to so many of them with so many wonderful people.

-Travel. The little guy and I saw Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. We visited some spots in Florida that were special to his Dad and me. We took the Maid of the Mist boat cruise to see Niagara Falls. He met Mickey and Minnie and Goofy and Donald and Daisy and Woody and Buzz and the list goes on and on.

-The Mets! The little guy and I brought countless family members and friends to cheer on the Mets this year and win or lose we enjoyed ourselves. We saw R.A. Dickey's 19th win from our seats at Citifield and while we watched Santana's no hitter from my parents' house, it was truly a memorable year to be a Mets fan.

With each of these things I'm not sure I would have ended up where I did in 2012 if not for my singleness. I had space to concentrate on the many parts of my life that exist outside from a romantic relationship. Perhaps, a year of doing that has brought me right to the place to be ready for one in 2013 and maybe the person who is right for me will fit perfectly into my time with the little guy and my friends, will share a similar spiritual journey, will want to travel, will also be a baseball fan, will enjoy running, and will like the Afghan Whigs. Of course, if that's not the case, I'm confident there will be something equally exciting that God will send my way to fill me up. Somehow, empty is never something I have used to describe my life and for that I am thankful.