I tucked some scotch tape and one of my favorite photographs of Joe and Domani in my bag, knowing that at some point in the day I would need them both.
After a quick stop at Wawa for some coffee, a bottle of water, and a piece of marble pound cake we were on our way to church for the big Praise Band-led worship service. It was a beautiful and intensely spiritual service for me, even though there was so much on my mind since I was part of the leadership team. The most powerful moments for me were the opening prayer which I did and our offertory music selection which was composed by our band leader. I was thankful there was very little mention of Father's Day.
|Mother's Day 2011 - taken by Joe|
The day only got tougher from there. Next stop was Joe's Dad's house where we spent time with Joe's family. More dads with kids. I took a much needed break to go pick up a few cold ones to go with dinner, my own little gesture to the men there since I didn't have the foresight to think of something to bring before I arrived. It also helped me emotionally to get away for a short time.
|The cross stitch from Joe's room|
All of these memories and even my crying were private. Oh, what I would have given to have been able to bring him a cold Twisted Tea and wish him a Happy Father's Day. Or to watch him play with his son, niece, and nephews in his father's backyard. Or to share in the misery of another sweep of the Mets, this time by those surging Reds (at least Greg Dulli should be happy). While there was certainly an undercurrent of sadness as we gathered this afternoon, I don't remember Joe's name being mentioned, except for maybe once or twice. I think that made it even harder for me. I have found that it's a bit of a delicate dance to know when to talk about him and when to let things be. I do my best to be honest with my own feelings and allow others the space to experience their grief in their own way. Maybe I don't always hit the nail on the head.
|New Addtions - Superman pin and Domani & Dad photo|
The rest of our Father's Day was quiet. The little guy went to sleep soon after we got home. He is still adjusting to the time change and hadn't had a nap all day. I settled in to a typical Sunday night routine of True Blood and Girls. I wondered what Joe would have thought about the plot lines so far this season on TB and marveled at how much Adam from Girls reminds me of Joe. Tomorrow, it's back to work. I know I'll be busy, but somehow, after today, I welcome the diversion.