Friday, April 13, 2012

Eighteen Months

Yesterday was Domani's 18 month "birthday". Needless to say it was an emotional day. In fact, it was the culmination of the hardest week I've had so far. 

Just over a week ago, it would have been Joe's 37th birthday. His niece made him a beautiful birthday card. It says, "I miss you! Happy B-day Uncle Joe. I hate cancer." I couldn't have said it better myself and I can just imagine Joe smiling at the card and giving her a big hug. Joe's birthday was a tough day.

The next day marked 4 months since Joe passed away. It was also opening day for our Mets. Instead of trying to work as I've done on the other "monthiversaries" I decided a vacation day and some opening day tickets were the way to go. The little dude and I enjoyed a sunny, warm day at Citifield accompanied by another die hard Mets fan. The Mets won and when we got home I cried. It was another tough day.

Two days later it was another Mets game and dinner at Mexican Village followed by the lonely Saturday night to which I have grown accustomed. The Mets won. The Mexican food was great. The dinner company was nice. Unfortunately, the lonely Saturday night also included the Easter Bunny putting out Domani's basket and the packing of our bags for Easter morning. Both very hard things to do without Joe. Lots of tears to end another tough day.

And then there was Easter. We woke while it was still dark and drove to Lake Carnegie in Princeton for an Easter sunrise service. We witnessed a beautiful sunrise over the Lake and literally felt the warm glow on our faces. Throughout the day there were Easter Egg hunts and beautiful hymns about death and new life. There were festive balloons in the church sanctuary and great food at every turn. But there were also memories of kayaking on Lake Carnegie with Joe and the stairs where we took the "cousin" Easter picture just the year before. There was an emotional visit to the cemetery and a ham dinner. There was another Mets win (this time a no hitter through 6) and families with two parents enjoying the holiday together. Another tough day.

This week also brought news of the passing of two much-too-young men, news that brought with it vivid reminders of all those in my life who have been lost to cancer over the past several years. In one of my grief support groups this week we talked about the image of a wound that reopens with each new death, bringing all the grief to the surface at once. That's a very real image and has made this past week that much harder.

I am thankful for bright spots though. One very big bright spot is my son who is there with a hug and a gentle "Dada" every time he sees me upset. The little dude and I had a chance to document some quality time together on the day before his big 18 month "birthday". As a reminder that I still have much to be thankful for, I am sharing some of the photos from that shoot with Amy from Tuesday, April 10. We had a wonderful time and I know that in the beach and the Mr. Met somehow Joe was there with us, offering some comfort in the midst of what continues to be a painful physical separation from him.

Cuddling - Mom, son, and the Mr. Met his Dad bought him.

He truly is a beach baby. We had so much fun.
Let's Go Mets!

He kept insisting on going in the water.
Eventually I caved and took his shoes and socks off to let him.

He was thrilled when he found some sticks for play.

Whenever there is a railing, he must use it. Made for some cute pics though.

This is when it became obvious that he was DONE with the photos.



  1. Thank you for being so open, honest and vunerable. It is heart breaking and beautiful at the same time. God's strength, love, peace and comfort be with you and your family. Your Mamaritz 4ever!

  2. Another beautiful post, Anne. This blog is a treasure, especially for Domani. The photos are wonderful. Amy captured some great candid moments.

  3. Beautiful photos! such treasures - my favorite one is the one with the two of you and the big sky - the word perspective comes to mind when I see it.